photographs & memories

september 19th, 2005

Dear me,

Hello. Wow this is really weird. I’m writing to myself. Wow I’m a loner. Right now I’m on the Green Team. We’re planning Boston and I’m SO EXCITED! Was it fun? (no, it as actually one of the worst experiences of your life) Anyways, I go to a camp called Wyonegonic. Its really fun and I have freinds from different countries, their names are Fatima Lujuan, Paola Villamor, Melina Ilies, Leotine Niedel, and Paloma Garnica. My really close friends right now are Kelly Mahoney, Shannon Finkel, Andrea Smelser, Brendan Weyhe, Matthias Amyotte, Clarke & Henry Glavin, Andrea Argenio, Jessie Mayhew, and Nicole Schnakenberg. I hope I’m still close with them when I’m reading this (you are still close with two of them). I’m 5’8” and weigh 137 lbs… I know, I’m a fatty. I play field hockey and softbal. My favorite movies are The Notebook, Mean girls, Grease, Moulin Rouge, Chicago, Just Like Heaven, Napolean Dynamite, Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison. I just got my braces on a week ago. Fortunately when I’m reading this I won’t have braces. Things that have happened. I got dumped by e-mail. 4 months down the drain. And I seriously (did not) love him. His name is Kenny Weiss (lol). Kelly has a boyfriend, and they are so prude. Its not even funny. I LOVE music. Its my passion, I love Green Day, Dave Matthews Band. And mostly stuff on z100. The concerns I have about the next four years are that I want to stay close friends with the same friends I have now.

Ten Goals I want to Accomplish

1- I want to patch things up with Meghan (she’s nice to you now but you’re not friends in any way)

2- I want to patch things up with Kenny

3- I want to be fully friends with Brendan

4- I want Matthias to keep my promise (for people who don’t know, he promised he he’d stay drug free. i’ll pause for the crickets)

5- I want a group of friends that I can 100% trust

6- I want to be bold.

7- I want good grades so I can get into NYU

8- I want my own computer

9- I want my room in the attic

10- I want a boyfriend

Hopefully I get these things.. I need a better life and hopefully I’ll get one. Gotta go. See you in 4 years. Love, Sarah Nielsen

reasons why i love my boyfriend

daniel: i love you tan (270+theta) because my love is so great it’s undefined.

i have the sudden urge to cook.

food network is not helping.

stolen

about me.
i’m fifteen years old.
my hair is brown.
i’m not allowed to dye it.
which really kinda sucks.
i’m obsessive compulsive.
& i’m pretty sure that i have ADD.
my name starts with the letter j.
i have the best friends in the entire world.
more than one of my closest friends lives in another state.
xx but we’re still really close, and it’s awesome.
i adore bondage pants and corsets.
band shirts are a big part of my wardrobe too.
cute shoes are my biggest weakness.
i spend way too much money on converse & flats.
music is a huge part of my life.
i listen to bands most people haven’t heard of.
…but i listen to some mainstream stuff too.
i love going to shows & i keep all of the tickets.
i went to warped tour last summer and loved it.
my favorite color is purple.

currently.
i’m wearing pj pants.
it’s freezing in this room.
i’m mad at a close friend.
i really need a shower.
i am not wearing socks.
i’m procrastinating something.
there’s snow on the ground outside.
i’m texting over three different people.
my phone needs charging.
…but i’m too lazy to go get the charger.
there’s someone i really wanna see right now.
& it really sucks, cause i know that i can’t.
i’m listening to my favorite band.
in fact, my favorite song is playing.
i’m the only one home at the moment.
that’s totally fine with me, though.
i’m reading a really good book. :]

confessions.
my parents are still together.
i’m always listening to music.
i can’t even fall asleep without it.
my eyes change color with my mood.
i have a bunch of my boyfriend’s clothes laying around.
xxx i sleep with one of his hoodies every night.
xxxx even when i’m mad at him…
i used to [or still do…] cut myself.
i don’t know if i’m a virgin or not.
i would be totally straight edge, if it wasn’t for the occasional drink.
i cried my first time watching the notebook.
sometimes i really miss the way things used to be.
i can’t wait to graduate & move out.
i have plans to move in with a bunch of friends right after high school.
my boyfriend being one of them.
we’ve been together over a year.
i’m not sure if i like the person that i’m becoming.
i think i’m fat even though everyone says that i’m not.
i’m really close to my daddy.
my mom and i argue a lot, though.
i reaallyyy want to get a tattoo. 
i’m allergic to piercings.

life experiences.
kissed in the rain.
kissed underwater.
it didn’t really work…
cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend.
but not on purpose. it just happened.
xxxxxx & i felt horrible about it.
been hit by a car.
been to the beach.
been caught in a thunderstorm on a bike.
been in a school play.
been told that i’m beautiful.
been closer to a friend’s mom than my own.
been out of the country.
ridden a horse.
been speed boating.
been to summer camp.
been in a mosh pit.
had a panic attack.
lost a loved one.
felt like dying.
cried so hard i was sick.
laughed so hard that i cried.
wondered what happens after we die.
been totally satisfied with life.

my tumblr doesn’t seem to like me. it’s not showing my posts popping up in my dashboard. anyone know how to fix that?

i don’t understand priests. they’re supposed to be holy and virtuous and relatively open minded (to those who are around them). so why would one try to censor me? it’s not even like i was saying something inappropriate. we get it, you hate me. but aren’t priests supposed to turn the other cheek? if they’re so righteous, why can’t they just be nice to every single person? i have gone under the radar in the past few months. i have not acted up, i have been calm and relatively dormant. i don’t understand why he feels the need to be so rude to me. i’m a leader of the group, i go to regular confession. i’m human. i’m a teenager. i try to live well in my faith, i don’t have sex with my boyfriend for christ’s sake. i don’t understand why he looks at me like i’m the scum of the earth. i mean i know i’m not a saint, but he shouldn’t treat me like a heathen. i don’t think he’s a good role model to us. he should be welcoming to all, not just picking and choosing the people he wants to like. honestly, i’m so glad i am leaving this year. i don’t think i could do anymore of it. i have too much pride to quit now, i have to finish my senior year. but seriously, i just can’t stand this man. this summer i’ll probably go to church at fr. chris’s church, that’s how serious i am.

I feel more comfortable talking to strangers than people I know. 
I believe this is because chances are, I’ll never see them ever again and I feel like I 
can say anything I want. They don’t know my past or what I’ve done. 
They can only judge me on who they’re seeing right at that second. 
I’m the person I am now, not then. People I know don’t see the difference.

tehehehehe

pepepain:

My tumblarity is at 69. I hope it never changes (though I’m sure it will, what even with this post!).

i ruined it for you. bah humbug

Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.